Just a little "note" from our home this week....
Nathanael took the written drivers test on Monday and was able to get his Learner's Permit. I guess we're going to have to start his 40 hours of driving... Watch out everyone!!!
Lindsay is growing out her hair-for the first time and just needed a little trim. The salon we went to were offering to put feathers in your hair-which apparently is the new trend. Lindsay has wanted one for a long time and so we had a small, subtle feather put in. Travis is enjoying teasing her about it! It does look a lot better than the feathers that people put in their hair when I was in elementary school! They were bright colors with beads on them, however, they were ususally on a clip and not "in" your hair.
Ethan and I had a chance to spend some "one on one" time together this week for his "day-off". We were able to go and see "Kung Fu Panda 2". During the movie, he became quite emotional (I did too), so we had a little talk about how we are alike that way. He feels very deeply and has to be careful of what he watches or reads because he internalizes it-just like me! It is funny what traits and qualities get passed on!
Clarissa tried to run away the other night. Travis spotted her walking down the road with her backpack on and her little mouse house-her favorite toy at the moment. We called her to come home- which she did reluctantly. Someone had not spoken to her nicely and so she decided to leave home because her feelings were hurt-she is just "slightly dramatic" which is why we love her so much! Anyway, I asked her why she would leave me when I would miss her so much! She said that I could come visit her every day. I still don't know where she was going but maybe we need to have a little talk in Family Home Evening about what we say to each other and how we say it!
Zachary watched "Cars" for the first time this week and was glued to it the entire time. He kept saying, "Go, go, cars, go, vooom". He loves it! Yesterday, as we were talking, he started walking backwards and grinning from ear to ear! We think he must like the character, Mater, who drives backwards. It is fun for me to see him get so excited about something like that!
My "moment of joy" came this week when Travis hooked up our new dryer that we got from our bishop. Our dryer had just completely died the night before and our bishop had just purchased a new washer and dryer because his washer broke. Travis offered to have he and Nat help him put them in and after they were finished, our bishop asked if anyone needed a dryer! How cool is that? Anyway, Travis hooked it up and we were able to "clean sweep" the laundry room-something that needed to desperately happen-and now we can have clean clothes again! (Sorry to those of you who had to be around us lately-haha!)
Cathy
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Lloyds, est. 1994
Wow! A lot of "noteworthy" things have happened the last two weeks in the Lloyd home....
Nathanael went on a trek with the youth of our stake. They just went up American Fork Canyon. He had to dress up like a pioneer and pull a handcart. He had a great time! He said that it was a good experience for him and that it helped him to appreciate his ancestors a little more. We all went as a family to pick him up. As the youth were coming down the hill with their handcarts, "Come, Come Ye Saints" was playing in the background. I could not stop the tears. To think that my ancestors sacrificed so much and left all that they had behind to come settle here was overwhelming and touching! I was so grateful that Nathanael got a little taste of what they had to do including dealing with a broken handcart. We were told that Nat did "great" and he came down the trail grinning. After we picked up Nathanael, we went to Midway to eat at a local restaurant-Scrappy's Timp Freeze. The food and shakes were sooo yummy! We decided that this is a new tradition when we pick up kids from trek.
![]()
Lindsay and the rest of us went to the Scottish Festival while Nat was gone. Lindsay is named after Travis' mother's family. Clan Lindsay happened to be there at the festival. We had several members of the family wearing the Lindsay plaid and so they were invited to join in lighting the torches and be part of the ceremony. Lindsay got a Clan Lindsay t-shirt and she was so proud to wear it! As I mentioned, Lindsay is named after Travis' mother's maiden name but her middle name is Kaye which is my mother's middle name. Lindsay is named after both her grandmas. Lindsay has a close relationship with both of them and has learned so much from each one!
![]()
Ethan also enjoyed going to the Scottish Festival. He was able to get a wooden sword and shield there. Ethan has an active imagination and really enjoys playing with his sword and shield. The shield has a Welsh dragon on it. Our last name Lloyd is Welsh. I learned that they have a red dragon on their flag when Travis and I went to Wales three years ago while he was touring with the Utah Chamber Artists.
![]()
Clarissa had her end of season dance concert. The dances were based on a book called "All Around the World". Watching the dances with the words on the screen behind them makes me want to get a copy of that book! Clarissa was a tomato for one dance and a little girl going to bed and snuggling her teddy bear for the other. She did a good job and had a lot of fun!
![]()
Zachary continues to learn so many things! He is at that age where it seems like he is doing something new every day! Lately, he loves to go outside! He gets all excited when we say, "Let's go!"
![]()
Well, there are some other things that we have done lately as a family. We went to the Reynolds family reunion in St. George. The first night we went to Tuacahn theater to see the production "Little Mermaid". Clarissa really got into it and thought that it was very exciting to watch. When Nat was younger, he went to a family reunion to San Antonio, Texas with his grandparents. At one point, he ended up watching the Disney version of "The Little Mermaid" twice in a row. I teased him the other day telling him that he must need to watch some version of "The Little Mermaid" during a family reunion!
![]()
The next day our family went to the St. George Tabernacle where President Lorenzo Snow gave his talk on tithing-it was really cool. Then we went to the St. George temple visitor center. The Spirit was very strong there and we watched a movie about the importance of families. By the end of the movie, Travis and I were very emotional. I am so grateful to have been married in the temple and that both of us have the same goals and are in this together! Later that night we went to the Fiesta Family Fun center and played miniature golf and rode the go-carts. Zachary especially enjoyed being his daddy's ball boy.
![]()
![]()
![]()
The next day we went to Zion's National Park which is truly amazing! When I was growing up, we went on the hikes to see the sights. Travis' family apparently drove to a sight, got out and took pictures, and then got back in the car. I did not even know that that was an option! Because we have Zachary, we took a shuttle to some of the places. I wanted to do a small hike but Zac got sunscreen in his eyes and Lindsay was grumpy (mostly due to the heat). Anyway, the family reunion was good and a fun little trip for us. It was fun to see my cousins and aunts and uncles that I have not seen for awhile.
![]()
![]()
Travis and I just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. As I mentioned before, I am so grateful that we were married in the Salt Lake temple. It is hard to believe that it was that many years ago that we began our journey together! We sure have been through some ups and downs but we have both grown up together and learned from each other and have helped each other. I know that I am a better person because of him. I just can't believe that I have known him for half my life! Where did the time go? Back when we were first married we just wanted to be "settled". Well, we are certainly "settled" now. I've decided that I really need to enjoy this time with him and with our children.
![]()
My "moment of joy" came when Clarissa was crying because she was upset and Zachary gave her kisses and grinned at her trying to make her happy. He then stayed in their bedroom and played with her!
Cathy
Nathanael went on a trek with the youth of our stake. They just went up American Fork Canyon. He had to dress up like a pioneer and pull a handcart. He had a great time! He said that it was a good experience for him and that it helped him to appreciate his ancestors a little more. We all went as a family to pick him up. As the youth were coming down the hill with their handcarts, "Come, Come Ye Saints" was playing in the background. I could not stop the tears. To think that my ancestors sacrificed so much and left all that they had behind to come settle here was overwhelming and touching! I was so grateful that Nathanael got a little taste of what they had to do including dealing with a broken handcart. We were told that Nat did "great" and he came down the trail grinning. After we picked up Nathanael, we went to Midway to eat at a local restaurant-Scrappy's Timp Freeze. The food and shakes were sooo yummy! We decided that this is a new tradition when we pick up kids from trek.
Lindsay and the rest of us went to the Scottish Festival while Nat was gone. Lindsay is named after Travis' mother's family. Clan Lindsay happened to be there at the festival. We had several members of the family wearing the Lindsay plaid and so they were invited to join in lighting the torches and be part of the ceremony. Lindsay got a Clan Lindsay t-shirt and she was so proud to wear it! As I mentioned, Lindsay is named after Travis' mother's maiden name but her middle name is Kaye which is my mother's middle name. Lindsay is named after both her grandmas. Lindsay has a close relationship with both of them and has learned so much from each one!
Ethan also enjoyed going to the Scottish Festival. He was able to get a wooden sword and shield there. Ethan has an active imagination and really enjoys playing with his sword and shield. The shield has a Welsh dragon on it. Our last name Lloyd is Welsh. I learned that they have a red dragon on their flag when Travis and I went to Wales three years ago while he was touring with the Utah Chamber Artists.
Clarissa had her end of season dance concert. The dances were based on a book called "All Around the World". Watching the dances with the words on the screen behind them makes me want to get a copy of that book! Clarissa was a tomato for one dance and a little girl going to bed and snuggling her teddy bear for the other. She did a good job and had a lot of fun!
Zachary continues to learn so many things! He is at that age where it seems like he is doing something new every day! Lately, he loves to go outside! He gets all excited when we say, "Let's go!"
Well, there are some other things that we have done lately as a family. We went to the Reynolds family reunion in St. George. The first night we went to Tuacahn theater to see the production "Little Mermaid". Clarissa really got into it and thought that it was very exciting to watch. When Nat was younger, he went to a family reunion to San Antonio, Texas with his grandparents. At one point, he ended up watching the Disney version of "The Little Mermaid" twice in a row. I teased him the other day telling him that he must need to watch some version of "The Little Mermaid" during a family reunion!
The next day our family went to the St. George Tabernacle where President Lorenzo Snow gave his talk on tithing-it was really cool. Then we went to the St. George temple visitor center. The Spirit was very strong there and we watched a movie about the importance of families. By the end of the movie, Travis and I were very emotional. I am so grateful to have been married in the temple and that both of us have the same goals and are in this together! Later that night we went to the Fiesta Family Fun center and played miniature golf and rode the go-carts. Zachary especially enjoyed being his daddy's ball boy.
The next day we went to Zion's National Park which is truly amazing! When I was growing up, we went on the hikes to see the sights. Travis' family apparently drove to a sight, got out and took pictures, and then got back in the car. I did not even know that that was an option! Because we have Zachary, we took a shuttle to some of the places. I wanted to do a small hike but Zac got sunscreen in his eyes and Lindsay was grumpy (mostly due to the heat). Anyway, the family reunion was good and a fun little trip for us. It was fun to see my cousins and aunts and uncles that I have not seen for awhile.
Travis and I just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. As I mentioned before, I am so grateful that we were married in the Salt Lake temple. It is hard to believe that it was that many years ago that we began our journey together! We sure have been through some ups and downs but we have both grown up together and learned from each other and have helped each other. I know that I am a better person because of him. I just can't believe that I have known him for half my life! Where did the time go? Back when we were first married we just wanted to be "settled". Well, we are certainly "settled" now. I've decided that I really need to enjoy this time with him and with our children.
My "moment of joy" came when Clarissa was crying because she was upset and Zachary gave her kisses and grinned at her trying to make her happy. He then stayed in their bedroom and played with her!
Cathy
Friday, June 10, 2011
Topsy Turvy
Things have been so "topsy turvy" around here! Some "noteworthy" items from our home...
Nathanael just finished ninth grade! I can't believe it! This last week he got to go to Lagoon Day with the other ninth graders. He said that he had a good time but that he went on a roller coaster that was pretty wild and decided that roller coasters are not for him. He didn't get sick-but he said that it made him feel pretty weird for awhile! He also participated in a 5K run at school and really pushed himself to do his very best (I don't know why-I personally do not like running) and came home exhausted but satisfied.
Lindsay just finished seventh grade. She adjusted so well from elementary school to junior high (much better than I did)! She also participated in the 5K but she walked most of the way because of a friend who likes running about as much as I do, and Lindsay is a good friend. At the end of the race, they found another friend who was walking it instead of running and Nat came back to jog with Lindsay after he had finished. I just knew he liked his sister!!!
Ethan had a "topsy turvy" week. He finished the fourth grade-cool! He got to go to Webelos Extreme where he passed off a lot of requirements. We also hosted a soccer party for his team at our house Saturday-those were the highlights of his week. However, on Tuesday evening, he was getting ready for cub scouts when he noticed something very sad. He came running upstairs very upset and weeping. It took a minute for him to manage to speak between sobs-his bird, Henry, was dead. I ran downstairs and sure enough, there lay Henry at the bottom of the cage. Usually parakeets last a lot longer than he did and there was no indication at all that anything was wrong! Henry was chirping happily just that afternoon! Needless to say, Ethan was devastated. He thought maybe that he did something wrong-I explained that sometimes things happen and we don't know why. We held a tiny little service for him and buried him next to Michael's tree in our front yard. We all miss Henry and think he must be with Michael waiting for the rest of us!
Clarissa is happy AND sad to be out of school for the summer. She just finished the first grade! Clarissa has been a little author this week. She has some dolls that she plays with often. She usually is either their mom or their school teacher. This week she decided to do an activity that she did in her own class at school. Each child got to write and illustrate a story and then share it with the class. Clarissa spent hours writing and illustrating stories-one for each of her dolls (each one was apparently written by a different doll). The stories are very unique and I am amazed at what goes on in her mind! Ethan and Clarissa also participated in the annual dance festival at Deerfield-she really got into the Twist!
Zachary loves being outside now that the sun is finally shining! He loves to dig in the gravel and "pretend" to play basketball! (He thinks that he is doing what the other kids are doing!)
Of course with all the end of school stuff going on-we decided that we needed more craziness! We put in new carpet in the bedrooms upstairs-finally- and have lived in a disorganized mess all week. But that's not all! We decided to add even more craziness and are doing a patio which will help us enjoy the backyard a little bit more! Right now, we did get the inside of the house put together -but our backyard is still a mess and probably will be for a little bit-so our lives have been "topsy turvy" this week in more ways than one!
My "moment of joy" this last week came when we were at the cemetery visiting one of the graves of my grandparents. Each year we like to take our children to visit the cemeteries that my grandparents and Travis' grandparents are buried in. At each headstone we like to tell the things that we remember about each of our grandparents. The last one we went to visit was my grandma and grandpa McMillan. I told some of my memories about them and I felt so grateful for each of my grandparents and the good influences that they have had on my life. They each contributed in a good way to the person that I have become! As I was talking, I reflected on my memories and I had a moment of happiness that they were part of my life!
Cathy
Nathanael just finished ninth grade! I can't believe it! This last week he got to go to Lagoon Day with the other ninth graders. He said that he had a good time but that he went on a roller coaster that was pretty wild and decided that roller coasters are not for him. He didn't get sick-but he said that it made him feel pretty weird for awhile! He also participated in a 5K run at school and really pushed himself to do his very best (I don't know why-I personally do not like running) and came home exhausted but satisfied.
Lindsay just finished seventh grade. She adjusted so well from elementary school to junior high (much better than I did)! She also participated in the 5K but she walked most of the way because of a friend who likes running about as much as I do, and Lindsay is a good friend. At the end of the race, they found another friend who was walking it instead of running and Nat came back to jog with Lindsay after he had finished. I just knew he liked his sister!!!
Ethan had a "topsy turvy" week. He finished the fourth grade-cool! He got to go to Webelos Extreme where he passed off a lot of requirements. We also hosted a soccer party for his team at our house Saturday-those were the highlights of his week. However, on Tuesday evening, he was getting ready for cub scouts when he noticed something very sad. He came running upstairs very upset and weeping. It took a minute for him to manage to speak between sobs-his bird, Henry, was dead. I ran downstairs and sure enough, there lay Henry at the bottom of the cage. Usually parakeets last a lot longer than he did and there was no indication at all that anything was wrong! Henry was chirping happily just that afternoon! Needless to say, Ethan was devastated. He thought maybe that he did something wrong-I explained that sometimes things happen and we don't know why. We held a tiny little service for him and buried him next to Michael's tree in our front yard. We all miss Henry and think he must be with Michael waiting for the rest of us!
Clarissa is happy AND sad to be out of school for the summer. She just finished the first grade! Clarissa has been a little author this week. She has some dolls that she plays with often. She usually is either their mom or their school teacher. This week she decided to do an activity that she did in her own class at school. Each child got to write and illustrate a story and then share it with the class. Clarissa spent hours writing and illustrating stories-one for each of her dolls (each one was apparently written by a different doll). The stories are very unique and I am amazed at what goes on in her mind! Ethan and Clarissa also participated in the annual dance festival at Deerfield-she really got into the Twist!
Zachary loves being outside now that the sun is finally shining! He loves to dig in the gravel and "pretend" to play basketball! (He thinks that he is doing what the other kids are doing!)
Of course with all the end of school stuff going on-we decided that we needed more craziness! We put in new carpet in the bedrooms upstairs-finally- and have lived in a disorganized mess all week. But that's not all! We decided to add even more craziness and are doing a patio which will help us enjoy the backyard a little bit more! Right now, we did get the inside of the house put together -but our backyard is still a mess and probably will be for a little bit-so our lives have been "topsy turvy" this week in more ways than one!
My "moment of joy" this last week came when we were at the cemetery visiting one of the graves of my grandparents. Each year we like to take our children to visit the cemeteries that my grandparents and Travis' grandparents are buried in. At each headstone we like to tell the things that we remember about each of our grandparents. The last one we went to visit was my grandma and grandpa McMillan. I told some of my memories about them and I felt so grateful for each of my grandparents and the good influences that they have had on my life. They each contributed in a good way to the person that I have become! As I was talking, I reflected on my memories and I had a moment of happiness that they were part of my life!
Cathy
Sunday, May 29, 2011
"Crazy daze" of soccer
Here are some "notes" as of late on the "crazy daze" of soccer at the Lloyd home....
Nathanael was just called as president of his teacher's quorum. It's been interesting to watch him learn from having more responsibility and take initiative when things need to get done. He also has been trying out for several AAA soccer teams for the fall season. There was one team that some of his friends were playing on and he wanted to make that team to play with them. These teams have multiple tryouts and one night, Nat had a slight fever and was extremely tired. He wanted to try out sooo bad so he took some medication to help him feel better. I was anxious to find out how he did that night and Travis said that he had never seen Nat play better! How odd! Anyway, Nat did make that team as well as another one and had to make a decision. He decided to play with his friends. He is excited and I hope that it will be a good experience for him! He also just took an AP test for Human Geography. Hopefully he passed-we won't know until the summer. Nathanael also just participated in his last concert with the Concert Singers. It was fun to watch him because he loves to sing. One song that they sang was, "You Raise Me Up" and they had a slide show to go with it where the kids submitted pictures of those that have influenced them for good in their lives. Nathanael submitted a picture of him with Lindsay and Ethan at a Real soccer game. I am grateful that my children seem to really love each other even though they know how to push each other's buttons and drive us all crazy! I hope that when they are all grown up that they continue to have good relationships with each other!
Lindsay's little soccer team kind of fell apart at the end of the season and so she tried out for other AA soccer teams. She was able to make one that we feel really good about. We know this particular soccer club pretty well (Nat has played for them) and Travis is excited about working with an old soccer friend again.
Ethan's team has decided to go competitive next year and Travis will be coaching them. Travis is just as excited about it as Ethan! Are we surprised? Ethan also recently had pioneer day at school and then they performed class plays for the younger grades. Parents were not invited (we almost went anyway but did not want to embarrass him) but Ethan felt good about his performance and apparently was one of the main characters! I must admit, he is quite a little "ham" when he wants to be!
I thought that Clarissa would be the one that would quit soccer next year (I was kind of hoping...). Anyway, uncle Paul can't coach this year (it has been a great experience for her) and because she will have a new coach and a new team, I thought that she would be done. Instead, she surprised me by saying that she wants to play until she is 16 years old! Really? Are you sure? I don't know that she really will play that long but I guess if she wants to keep playing....
Zachary is into balls right now! Soccer balls, bouncy balls, basketballs etc. He goes around the house making a "collection" of all the balls he finds and puts them together. Then he takes one at a time and kicks, throws, or carries them somewhere else. Needless to say, there are balls all over our house!
I am just so glad that this soccer season is finally over and maybe-just maybe things can settle down a little bit! Right-ha ha! It's all good!
My "moment of joy" came these last two weeks when Zachary was interacting with another little boy in church and the little boy handed Zac a toy to which Zacky said, "thank you". Yay!!!!
Cathy
Nathanael was just called as president of his teacher's quorum. It's been interesting to watch him learn from having more responsibility and take initiative when things need to get done. He also has been trying out for several AAA soccer teams for the fall season. There was one team that some of his friends were playing on and he wanted to make that team to play with them. These teams have multiple tryouts and one night, Nat had a slight fever and was extremely tired. He wanted to try out sooo bad so he took some medication to help him feel better. I was anxious to find out how he did that night and Travis said that he had never seen Nat play better! How odd! Anyway, Nat did make that team as well as another one and had to make a decision. He decided to play with his friends. He is excited and I hope that it will be a good experience for him! He also just took an AP test for Human Geography. Hopefully he passed-we won't know until the summer. Nathanael also just participated in his last concert with the Concert Singers. It was fun to watch him because he loves to sing. One song that they sang was, "You Raise Me Up" and they had a slide show to go with it where the kids submitted pictures of those that have influenced them for good in their lives. Nathanael submitted a picture of him with Lindsay and Ethan at a Real soccer game. I am grateful that my children seem to really love each other even though they know how to push each other's buttons and drive us all crazy! I hope that when they are all grown up that they continue to have good relationships with each other!
Lindsay's little soccer team kind of fell apart at the end of the season and so she tried out for other AA soccer teams. She was able to make one that we feel really good about. We know this particular soccer club pretty well (Nat has played for them) and Travis is excited about working with an old soccer friend again.
Ethan's team has decided to go competitive next year and Travis will be coaching them. Travis is just as excited about it as Ethan! Are we surprised? Ethan also recently had pioneer day at school and then they performed class plays for the younger grades. Parents were not invited (we almost went anyway but did not want to embarrass him) but Ethan felt good about his performance and apparently was one of the main characters! I must admit, he is quite a little "ham" when he wants to be!
I thought that Clarissa would be the one that would quit soccer next year (I was kind of hoping...). Anyway, uncle Paul can't coach this year (it has been a great experience for her) and because she will have a new coach and a new team, I thought that she would be done. Instead, she surprised me by saying that she wants to play until she is 16 years old! Really? Are you sure? I don't know that she really will play that long but I guess if she wants to keep playing....
Zachary is into balls right now! Soccer balls, bouncy balls, basketballs etc. He goes around the house making a "collection" of all the balls he finds and puts them together. Then he takes one at a time and kicks, throws, or carries them somewhere else. Needless to say, there are balls all over our house!
I am just so glad that this soccer season is finally over and maybe-just maybe things can settle down a little bit! Right-ha ha! It's all good!
My "moment of joy" came these last two weeks when Zachary was interacting with another little boy in church and the little boy handed Zac a toy to which Zacky said, "thank you". Yay!!!!
Cathy
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tender mercies
Here is a "note" from me to you on my thoughts of May 15th...
It was three years ago today that I delivered a tiny baby boy that had died before he got a chance to be born. Even though it has been three years, I still have a hard time during this week. I don't sit and cry but I do feel more anxious and just kind of in a "funk". I find that I am not as patient with my other children as I should be and then I decide not to just pretend that everything is all right and let myself "grieve" a little bit. Despite the loss I still feel, I can look back and see how far I have come and the things that I learned from that experience. That was the beginning of a very difficult year for me -but I got through it and I learned a couple of things about myself. I learned that even when I feel so dark inside, I know what I know and cannot deny that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that I can continue to keep going and making right choices. I also learned that for me, peace is not necessarily an overwhelming comforting feeling but comes from doing what I know is right and continuing to try to live as Jesus Christ has taught us. I am not even close to perfect -but I keep trying and hopefully I am progressing a little bit.
I remember the difficult times I had when I lost Michael, but I also remember some of the "tender mercies" that helped me get through that experience. I was able to deliver him quickly and without any complications. To me-that was a great blessing. He came out whole and I was able to see through "spiritual eyes" his features that showed that he was my son (he looked a lot like Nat). A brother in our ward is a mortician and donated much of his services so that we were able to have a sweet family home evening and a nice little burial for him. I also look back and see how many people cared for us and helped us get through that difficult time. Many people provided meals, did yard work, and let me just talk and grieve. I still am so touched by all the love that was extended to our family.
Every year around this anniversary, we honor our little angel by donating Build-A-Bears to the hospital- since we had received that generous gift three years ago, going out to dinner (which we did after his little graveside service), and visiting the cemetery where Michael is buried. Even though it brings back some painful memories, there are also feelings of gratitude for The Plan of Salvation and knowing that because of Jesus Christ, there is always hope.
My "moment of joy" this week came when our little family was visiting the cemetery. I was standing there looking at Michael's headstone and reflecting when Travis put his arm around me and I realized that I am not alone- and that he and I have gone through something together that has helped us each become stronger people and stronger as a couple. We are in this together-the good times and the bad. I was so grateful to have him standing next to me and supporting me.
Cathy
It was three years ago today that I delivered a tiny baby boy that had died before he got a chance to be born. Even though it has been three years, I still have a hard time during this week. I don't sit and cry but I do feel more anxious and just kind of in a "funk". I find that I am not as patient with my other children as I should be and then I decide not to just pretend that everything is all right and let myself "grieve" a little bit. Despite the loss I still feel, I can look back and see how far I have come and the things that I learned from that experience. That was the beginning of a very difficult year for me -but I got through it and I learned a couple of things about myself. I learned that even when I feel so dark inside, I know what I know and cannot deny that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that I can continue to keep going and making right choices. I also learned that for me, peace is not necessarily an overwhelming comforting feeling but comes from doing what I know is right and continuing to try to live as Jesus Christ has taught us. I am not even close to perfect -but I keep trying and hopefully I am progressing a little bit.
I remember the difficult times I had when I lost Michael, but I also remember some of the "tender mercies" that helped me get through that experience. I was able to deliver him quickly and without any complications. To me-that was a great blessing. He came out whole and I was able to see through "spiritual eyes" his features that showed that he was my son (he looked a lot like Nat). A brother in our ward is a mortician and donated much of his services so that we were able to have a sweet family home evening and a nice little burial for him. I also look back and see how many people cared for us and helped us get through that difficult time. Many people provided meals, did yard work, and let me just talk and grieve. I still am so touched by all the love that was extended to our family.
Every year around this anniversary, we honor our little angel by donating Build-A-Bears to the hospital- since we had received that generous gift three years ago, going out to dinner (which we did after his little graveside service), and visiting the cemetery where Michael is buried. Even though it brings back some painful memories, there are also feelings of gratitude for The Plan of Salvation and knowing that because of Jesus Christ, there is always hope.
My "moment of joy" this week came when our little family was visiting the cemetery. I was standing there looking at Michael's headstone and reflecting when Travis put his arm around me and I realized that I am not alone- and that he and I have gone through something together that has helped us each become stronger people and stronger as a couple. We are in this together-the good times and the bad. I was so grateful to have him standing next to me and supporting me.
Cathy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)